Monday, June 4, 2012


For some reason, I feel the need to gain approval of every cat I encounter. It's like cats are the withholding mother I never had (because my mom happens very nice). This is doubly bad because I'm allergic to cats. Some just cause a light smattering of eczema to appear on my eyelids and elbows (as everyone knows, eczema loves the letter "E"), while others cause my retinas to turn to sandpaper and my nasal passages to explode. AND YET, I still pursue the friendship of cats.

This morning, to congratulate myself for getting my circadian rhythm back on track, I decided to treat myself to a bagel in the park. As I was sitting there, eating my bagel and listening to a podcast of This American Life about crime scenes, I saw a most adorable cat meandering around a nearby tree. Said cat was seemingly stalking a rather chirpy squirrel hidden in the tree's upper branches.

 I rolled down my car window (What? You actually thought I got out of my car? Haha as if. I don't like to mingle with the common park people.) which caused the cat to notice my presence. It looked judgmental. I stuck a piece of bagel out of the car, waiving it invitingly for the cat to take because, c'mon, who doesn't love a good bagel? But all the adorable cat offered me in return was SCORN. It gave up its pursuit of Chirpy Squirrel and darted between some fence posts into the unknown.

Chirpy Squirrel was more than happy to receive the bagel bit, I might add. It took it right from my hand with its chubby little paws. (That's a lie, I threw it on the ground and the squirrel came and got it like five minutes later.)

The moral of this story is never share your bagel with anyone. Also, podcasts about crime scenes are really disturbing.