James Bond vs. Aliens

(This is from about 6 months ago)

So I went to go see Cowboys & Aliens with my mom last week. Mostly I did this so I could get a free meal; I’m not sure if it was worth the sandwich. Anyway, if you are living in a bubble and haven’t heard of this ridiculously over-advertized movie, it stars James Bond Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford. It also has that square faced queen of sulk, Olivia Wilde, but she basically had one expression throughout the entire movie.

The premise is generally ridiculous: aliens invade the American Wild West, and Daniel Craig has to stop them. He plays an anti-hero of questionable motivations who prevails in the end; I know, so different from his other roles. Harrison Ford’s there too, being a grumpy old man. The only one who really did much acting was Paul Dano, but he was only in like a 4th of the movie.
The most unbelievable part of the movie was the reason why the aliens were scouting the earth for a future attack: they wanted gold. Gold?!? Really! That’s some serious bullshit. Also, the aliens were stupid looking. They looked like the offspring of John Cena and Worm Man from the X-files, dipped in tar. I said that to my mom and she was like, “That’s mean,” because she likes John Cena movies. She told me, “He still does WWW.” I think she meant WWE. It’s all pretty homoerotic, if you ask me. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

I’d show you a picture of Worm Man, but you’d have nightmares for eternity.

Also, why does Harrison Ford think he can still pull off an earring?

A Game of Thorns

So. I am 100% confident that I have zero people reading my blog because not even I want to read my last awkward posting. There might be some aliens reading or something. Or like, really smart chimps.

Anyway. I started reading the book "A Game of Thrones" by George R.R. Martin. I've been seeing this title floating around because there's a new HBO series based on the book series of which this book is the beginning. I originally thought the title was "A Game of Thorns" because of a misunderstanding between my eyes and my visual cortex. So for awhile I thought this book was some kind of Agatha Christie/Sherlock Holmes-type saucy British inspired mystery. Which is like, my FAVORITE. I imagined garden parties, women with lace dresses, hedge mazes, and shocking turns of events. I was very excited, as you can imagine.